Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city. On either side of the river is the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, producing its fruit each month; and the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. (Revelation 22:1-2)
She said, ‘No one, sir.’ And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.’ (John 8:11)
REFLECTION:
This last Sunday, I announced to the congregation that I had gotten a tattoo.
I announced it because I am a public person, and an influence on our young people.
I announced it because I have nothing to hide, and believe it can be a teaching tool in many ways.
I announced it because there is a beautiful story behind it that is rooted in prayer, Scripture, discernment, and struggle.
In this post, I want to tell you the story behind it, how I made my decision, and a few thoughts about how to discuss this with your children if it comes up.
The Meaning Behind the Image
I have found that most tattoos have a deep story behind them. Yes, there are some who get drunk with their friends and decide to get something for fun, but most people seem to have an important story behind their choice of a tattoo. Mine falls in this category.
Self-disclosure: I am a perfectionist when it comes to myself. While I can muster forgiveness and grace and understanding for the failings of others, I am my own harshest critic. This also means that, unconsciously, I define my value through what I produce. This is a trait I share with many, many people...at least half of you reading this can probably relate. I daily run myself ragged trying to be the best husband, father, and pastor I can be.
While this drive certainly has some strengths, the weakness behind it is that I am not terribly good at taking time to rest, renew, or care for my own needs. Combine that with the harsh internal critic, and you get a recipe for burnout.
A Storm
In May of 2016, I began my sabbatical with a week in silence at St. John's Abbey in Collegeville, MN. The monks there have a beautiful guest house that sits near a lake. I read books I have been wanting to read for years. I wrote daily in a personal journal about what I was experiencing. I worshiped three times a day with the monks. I biked, hiked, and prayed. I was silent.
The man who is always producing...was silent. The public figure...was silent. I was forced to rely on a source of strength that had nothing to do with my abilities, or what I produced...and it was like drinking from a deep well. I felt a source of internal strength I hadn't felt in years.
As I prayed and wrote in my journal one night, the thought struck me that this is what Jesus is talking about when he tells the woman at the well, "those who drink of the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life." (John 4:14)
The next day, I decided to hike on the path that bordered the lake out to a distant chapel on the far side of the lake. What I didn't know was that a big storm was coming in. I made it to the chapel, and huddled inside it for a while to ride out the storm...but it was getting close to dinner time (and the dinners at the guest house were fantastic!)...so, motivated by my grumbling stomach and the fear of missing a meal, I braved the fierce wind and rain and ran back to the guest house along the path that bordered the water.
The Trees and Wind
As I ran back, I noticed the trees that were right by the water were bent over from the wind. The wind was so bad at times I thought it might uproot some of the trees. However, they were rooted right by a plentiful source of nutrients, and they were rooted deep. As I ran, the thought occurred to me that I am called to be like one of those trees...planted by a source of living water...and if I stay rooted there, it won't matter how hard the wind blows, I can stand still and strong.
I thought about Revelation 22:1-2, printed above. There, part of the vision of what heaven looks like includes a river that flows from the very throne of God. On either side of the river, there is the tree of life producing fruit each month. And, it says, the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.
The Leaves
Then, this powerful thought came...if I stay rooted by the source of strength that flows TO me from God (instead of thinking life is about producing, or having things flow FROM me to others), only then can anything I produce be for others. I can stay rooted by that source of strength, survive any howling wind...then and only then, any leaves I produce can be for the healing of others.
Now look back at the image. You'll notice the two trees, the "Rev. 22:2" on the left one, the river that flows toward my body rather than away from it, and the wind streaks through the branches of the trees. There are random leaves scattered about. Also, in the branches of one tree hangs the square-sided cross of St. John's Abbey, where this revelation came to me.
From my time at St. John's Abbey on, through the rest of the sabbatical, this image was strong in my mind. It centered me. My initial thought was that I might try to find an artist to draw it, and hang it on the wall in my office.
A Revelation in France
About five weeks later, I found myself in "Church of the Reconciliation," a sprawling cavernous space where up to 5,000 young people gather weekly each summer to sing and pray with the brothers of the Taize community. Many churches, including St. Luke, know of this community through their quiet, contemplative music.
The Taize community, however, is much more than music. It is a place of reconciliation; a place where young people from all over the world come to pray together for a world that makes sense. Then, empowered by the experience, they go to help bring that world into existence. It is somewhere I have always wanted to go.
Part of each day is Bible study with one of the brothers. I was in a group of about 70 "older adults" (which in Taize means you are over 25). We were from all over the world, so the brother would speak in short English phrases, and then pause as translators all over the room translated into the language of the group that was huddled around them. It was a beautiful thing to behold.
One day, our Bible study was on the story of the woman who was caught in adultery (John 8:1-11). The brother described how the Pharisees were ready to stone the woman for her sins until Jesus halted their execution by saying "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." One by one, they all walked away. Alone with the woman, Jesus asks, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" She says, "no one, sir." Then Jesus says, "Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again."
The brother from Taize calmly looked out at us and said, "If even Jesus isn't willing to condemn us, why are we so good at doing it ourselves?"
The Rocks
It was at this moment that a new element was added to the image in my mind. By the banks of the river needed to be rocks...the rocks I was laying down, so I wouldn't condemn myself any longer. It was time to begin to silence the relentless inner critic.
The Image Becomes a Tattoo
These lessons are deep for me. They are things that I have been wrestling with for years. They are lessons I need to remember. In much prayer and contemplation the rest of the summer, I began to realize that I wanted this as a tattoo; something in my face, a daily reminder of the lessons of sabbatical.
In the Fall of 2016, I interviewed several tattoo artists. The first two didn't get what I was shooting for. I wanted to be able to tell them my story, and have them turn it into an image. The first two couldn't get over the idea that there was a pastor in their office. They tried to point me toward some of their pre-printed religious art...big gaudy crosses and faces of Jesus. No way.
The third one got it. His listened to my stories. He understood the depth, and the prayer behind them. The image he came up with was even more beautiful than it had been in my head, and he got every detail. I knew this was the right image.
Then, I sat with it for a while. I waited another month, which helped to clarify in my mind that I really did want to go through with it. It now stands as a piece of art on my arm; a virtual stained glass window that shines Christ's light into my soul and gives me the chance to witness to my faith to those in my daily life who are very interested to hear the meaning behind this "faith mark."
Click here to learn about "Faith Marks," an art show I saw at the Wild Goose Festival in Hot Springs, NC this last summer...that helped lead me to this idea.
How To Discuss This With Your Children
While this was the right move for me at age 37, I still believe that the decision to get a tattoo should be undertaken with great care and time. The last thing I want is a young person at our congregation saying, "well, because Pr. Matt has a tattoo that means I can get one!" Although, a really funny and fitting way to de-fuse that would be to just say, "yes, and if you do it like Pr. Matt did, I'm OK with it. That means you have to wait until you are 37, choose favorite Bible passages to put on your body, and then think and pray about it for 8 months."
Past that kind of funny way of encouraging them to wait, here are a few suggestions for how to talk with your kids about this if it comes up.
First of all, emphasize the importance of waiting (something late teens and early twenty-somethings hate to do). The best suggestion I have heard for people in their late teens or early twenties was to mark a day on the calendar when you first started thinking you wanted a tattoo. Maybe even go to a tattoo parlor and get the design. Hang that picture up on the wall. Then, wait a year. Yes, a year. Think about it, pray about it, sit with the image for a year, and if after a year you still want it, go for it. I thought this was really solid advice. There's no judgment from me for those who haven't followed this advice, certainly...but if you are a parent reading this, it might be a good place to start. (Encouraging them to wait a year might at least buy you 6 months!)
Second, emphasize that my tattoo was born of 9 months of prayer, Scripture, and waiting (even at my age). This was not a quick decision, or one taken lightly. It is important for the students to know that.
And last, if you have concerns about this and the example it sets for your kids, please reach out to me. I am happy to explain it to them myself, and encourage them to wait, as I did, until they are old enough to be sure they want this image the rest of their lives.
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